Saturday, 22 August 2009
Seeing the wood through the trees
I've found a few sweet little wooden things recently. I can't keep them all, so I've been putting them in my etsy vintage shop, and I thought I'd share the photos with you.
I realised the other day that this blog is not really what I intended it to be. But in that respect, it reflects my life. Things never quite turn out as you think. I thought I would be filling this blog with my beautiful creations. But for various reasons, I've found it hard to just get on and make stuff. I'm easily distracted, I get depressed, I procrastinate, I worry.
I've been working on it, though. As well as moving furniture in order to find my mojo, I've been trying to clear up some of the dark, cobwebby corners of my mind. One book that I've found helpful is 'Authentic Happiness' by Martin Seligman. It's not really a self-help book, but a scientific examination of research into what makes people happy. The results are not as obvious as you might think. I read it a few years ago, and re-reading it recently helped me to start feeling more positive.
And in my typically contrary manner, I found that being completely miserable was also a huge help this week. People talk wisely about 'the grieving process', as though it's some linear. step-by-step path that can be tracked and measured. In my case, it's more like wandering through a particularly chaotic maze.
I was trying to keep positive, and finding it very difficult. I think it was like being told NOT to think of a pink elephant - suddenly that's all you can think of. By trying not to be sad, I was obsessed with it. So when I had some time to myself on Monday, I gave in to it. I wallowed in a ridiculous, indulgent bout of self-pity. I was like a sulky, stroppy teenager, with my whole universe revolving around my misery, thank you very much. I cried and felt sorry for myself, and gave in to all those black thoughts.
And then bizarrely and unexpectedly, it was all over, and I was feeling pretty much back to normal. (I'd say right as rain, but I could do with some sunshine.) I must have needed to get it out of my system.
So it's all progress of sorts, I suppose. Even managing to put a few more items in my etsy shop is something positive, after an unintended lull over the past couple of months. And my beautiful creations? Wait and see....